It’s been a couple weeks since I have posted here.
I can tell you that I have missed it and I have learned a few lessons at the same time.
I am horribly distracted lately by something that is definitely not a tragedy for me.
However, it has been such an overbearing presence in my life, that I have felt like I can’t focus.
Every time I try to do something, my thoughts keep getting pulled back to this upcoming event.
It is the realization of a huge step for me in securing freedom of time and money.
I am grateful for this step in my life, however, it has taken over all the space in my brain and though I have tried to fight it, it’s been really hard to focus on literally anything else.
I was thinking to myself and wondering how people who have big events happening in their lives are able to keep moving forward on getting anything done.
I have a couple friends who have lost loved ones recently and in this mad, mad world, I know several people who are out of work and/or not making the income they did a few months ago.
These things keep most people up at night and pull them away from goals and what they want to accomplish.
If you have financial goals, it is extremely hard to stay focused and optimistic when your income has dropped or perhaps you have lost your job and are living on savings that were planned to go to something else like a side business or retirement plan.
Maybe it’s worse and you are wondering how you are even going to pay for housing and food.
I have been there friend, and I feel you.
The only solace I can offer you in this moment is that you are powerful and you will figure out how to get past this time and come out better than you are now.
I have two businesses that slowed way down from COVID-19 restrictions and it has been frustrating to see the revenue and income drop.
However, I have had massive growth and success in other areas which have been surprising and I am preparing to start a new chapter in my life with much travel and free time.
It seems surreal and insane to me right now because I have worked so hard, for so long wondering if I would ever get to this moment, and I see it coming to pass like an actual fairy tale dream come true.
I struggle to focus on anything else.
It is frustrating, because I feel like it is stifling my creativity and almost any other line of thinking.
I have put a lot of effort into making quiet time in order to ponder and consider other things and try to keep myself centered and grounded.
I was trying to think about when I have had other instances like this in my life.
Most of the time, they were hard times:
Divorce, Leaving my home at 19 to go serve a service mission in another country (I even became severely physically ill 2 days before I left), Losing my job in company layoffs
These things kept me up at night terrified, anxious, and scared.
I feel the same things again at odd times when I should be sleeping.
Focus and presence proves very difficult.
How do I sit with those feelings and let them pass through me without mentally playing out the movie over and over again and letting it push every other sane thought out of my brain?
A couple things have been helping.
First, writing down what is going on in my brain like on a journal serves as a weird release mechanism.
It’s like getting it out of my system for a while so that my brain can reset and stop trying to solve some weird problem that’s not being dealt with.
Meditation helps also.
For me, the sweet spot hits between 15 and 20 minutes.
I have read “experts” say to meditate at least a half hour or longer and I struggle to sit and do so for that long.
My meditation is for me and me only, so I choose the time that seems to work best and is also the most practical.
Another great outlet for pent up mental and emotional energy is to actually do something physical.
Ideally, it’s hiking to a beautiful fishing spot in a remote area, however, running, lifting weights and physical work are also great ways that quiet my mind and help me feel more content and satisfied.
The one thing I really try not to do is push the feeling away and try not to feel it.
Painful feelings can be difficult to experience and the temptation is to push it away or numb myself with something else so I don’t have to feel it.
The escape appeals so much in these times, but they do nothing to get me past it and it is always there waiting later to be dealt with.
Also, these can be the beginnings of nasty physical addictions.
It is effective to feel the feelings and discomfort for a few moments and consider why I feel the way I do and what can be done (if anything needs to be done) to remedy the situation.
Then, give a friendly wave to them and get on with something else I enjoy or that needs to get done.
I don’t sit and wallow in it for hours and I don’t hang around negative people (Consider news and social media here as well).
During my last divorce, I had to do this several times especially because I would have moments where I wondered if I had made the right decision.
The truth was that I was remembering the past better than it was (this is human nature) and seriously doubting my decision.
I had to think back to the feelings and reasons that I made the decision to leave and I was able to clearly recall why I was right where I needed to be.
It took a lot of effort.
It’s hard and uncomfortable to feel and deal with pain, stress, and hardship.
I can honestly say that it was the fastest and most effective way to walk out of that dark place feeling whole, healed and at complete peace.
I am stronger than ever before.
In fact, my daughter says I seem happier than I have been in years.
That confirmation says everything.
The hard things have made me better and being better is what I needed in order to have the life I want.
Choose hard if you can.
Thank you for reading.
Phillip Adams