I slam on my breaks and suddenly I am within inches of the car’s bumper in front of me.
I can feel my blood moving quicker and the adrenaline coursing through my body.
I am instantly enraged, scared, and ravenously hungry all in the same instant.
I lay on my horn and the gentleman in front of me who cut me off, narrowly missing my car, and then braked extremely hard throws an offensive hand gesture my way which I respond to with even more anger.
I fume all the way to work baffled and angry at the actions of the man in traffic.
Over 30 minutes go by and I am still upset about it.
The sad truth is that the “offending party” had probably already forgotten about what happened.
I was still reliving an experience and keeping myself in that same angry mindset while blocking anything else good for probably an hour or more.
How many times have I been in situations that could have been amazing and beautiful and gotten caught up in a thought, memory, or experience that I could not let go of?
I have spent years working on “being present”.
For me it takes some serious effort to avoid distraction.
After much effort though, I catch myself quicker scrolling mindlessly through my phone or reminiscing on past events when I am with people I love or having experiences I really want to enjoy in the moment.
Being present, however, does not necessarily mean being happy and content all the time.
Often for me, it means hard truths and events that can be difficult to deal with.
Even with the efforts I have made to improve myself and they way I see myself and the world, I know there are dark parts of my soul that I am still learning to accept.
Every positive trait carries with it the negative counterpart.
They always exist together in balance.
I also often struggle with the difference between accepting things as they are and working toward something that I want in my life.
I believe that to have the life I want requires living and acting in the way that brings those things into my presence.
Therefore, I am always working toward something that I want to have or experience.
Working hard toward these things can sometimes get me jaded and frustrated in the struggle of trying to achieve a goal.
I fail and make mistakes along the way and I often find myself in feelings of despair and hopelessness.
Now, I know there are other philosophies that show a very different way to think and live.
If we live in gratitude for the way things are, then everything will open up and flow to us without us chasing after it.
We should learn to be open to the path that presents itself and just enjoy the journey as it comes.
This is appealing to me because I have spent too much of my life not enjoying what is happening in it and not realizing all the great things happening around me.
However, these two ideas seem to contradict each other.
Is life about enjoying what we have and letting it unfold before us in gratitude?
Or should we set a course for what we want in life and work toward what we want refusing to stop until we bring it into our reality?
I still struggle with these seemingly conflicting concepts, but I will share how I have been able to reconcile this with a story.
I love to fish;
Especially in remote areas with few or no other people in high alpine lakes and streams.
I find my joy and zen in these places and experiences.
I live in Salt Lake City, Utah where there are mountains with these types of lakes and streams all around me.
However, getting to some of these places means work.
The lakes and rivers by the roads are always crowded because they are more easily accessible.
In order to have the experience I want, I typically have to hike 3 or more miles inland to get past where the people are.
Recently, I hiked into one of these areas for the first time.
It was called Hell Hole Lake and it is only accessible by foot or horseback.
I had limited time and I had estimated about 3 miles for the hike into the lake.
I would need to hike back out before it got too dark as I wasn’t prepared to spend the night in the cold.
Well, when I got there I saw this:
In that moment, I realized I was not going to have much time to fish if I hiked to the lake.
I decided to go for it anyway and figured maybe I would just try to hike faster and not get sidetracked by anything on the way up.
The hike wasn’t too steep and part of it was on a pretty good road that came in from somewhere else before it turned into a trail again.
After about a mile walking, I found the most beautiful creek that most I knew had some small cutthroat and brook trout waiting for me to come and pull them out with my ridiculously insane manly fishing skills.
I thought about fishing the creek for a moment and realized if I started doing that now, I would not ever make it to the lake.
I decided to keep walking.
It took over two hours of pushing myself to make minimal stops and keep going so that I would make it and be able to get a few casts into the lake before having to head back.
Here’s what I found:
It was a stunning view and I was in awe at how amazing it was.
Also, I was alone and just fully enjoying the quiet stillness of the scene before me.
However, I quickly noticed one small problem.
The lake was super shallow and full of moss.
It would prove very difficult to catch a fish here.
In fact, I didn’t catch a single fish that day.
I could have easily fished the creek on the way up and caught several fish, but never arriving at the lake.
It would have taken less effort.
I also, could have just slowed down on the hike and enjoyed more of the beautiful scenery passing by me.
That also would have taken less effort.
However, by working harder, I also got to witness an amazing vista and judging by the soreness after, made myself a stronger person for the next adventure.
After considering the choices I had and the ones that I made, what would have been the right answer?
I would contend that there really isn’t one.
There were benefits and drawbacks to each option.
Ultimately, after pushing myself and getting a certain result, I am grateful with how it ended.
I had a great experience.
I am finding that working hard has its own benefits and rewards.
I learn and grow as a person.
At the same time, I am learning to enjoy the journey and process as well as appreciate the results and what comes to me after putting in the effort.
I am not letting the fear of what I might be missing out on determine my happiness.
Whatever is there in the process and in the end is always something to be grateful for.
Thank you for reading.
Phillip Adams