“Mom, I’m so tired.”
“Can we go please?”
I change my gait to mimic a limping older gentleman clearly on the verge of death and taking his last few steps of life.
“Yes! Stop asking me and knock it off!”
Finally, she pushes the shopping cart into the checkout line and we wait what feels like an eternity for the slowest cashiers and customers in the history of commerce to bag their produce and pay their tabs.
I jump in front of the cart and walk ahead to the end of the checkout line instantly gazing wide-eyed at all the beautiful colors of bright bubble gum packages in the most tantalizing juicy flavors imaginable.
I can smell the sweet fragrance of orange and watermelon despite all the plastic wrappers and imagine how the taste must obviously be no less than a hundred times greater.
I grab a package of grape and look up to my mom.
I had pestered her for almost every sweet thing in the store and I knew I was already walking a tight rope that I was about to get thrown off if I asked for anything else.
I can see that she is occupied by the cashier so I slip the pack of gum into my pocket and then stand there looking like an innocent genius until we are done checking out.
We walk out into the parking lot and my sister and I are behind my mother heading toward the car.
In that moment, I decide to share my accomplishment with my sister understanding that she will most likely also get to share in the spoils of my labor.
I will not give her name here in order to protect the “innocent” but we can call her Judas for now.
She wastes almost no time in eloquently blurting out to my mom, “Phil has gum!”
Like the Flash, my mom whirls around and asks me where I got that knowing full well exactly what happened.
I don’t remember all the details after that, but she quickly loads the trunk and marches me back into the store.
I am forced to return the gum and apologize.
The cashier gives me a short lecture and thanks me for returning the filched item.
It was a great lesson and I don’t need to state more than that here.
I was probably more upset about not getting what I wanted than the guilt of doing something wrong, the clear betrayal by my obviously witless sibling, and the four hour lecture from my dad when he got home from work.
I definitely did the right thing at the end, but we can argue forever about my motivations and what that means.
I think often about this topic.
Even though I was forced to return the stolen pack of gum as a child, it was still the right thing to do.
How does this concept apply to me as an adult?
I don’t steal anymore but I’m talking about doing the right thing regardless of why.
What about people that do great things for others, but we can clearly see their motivations as self-serving or impure?
Does that negate all the good they do?
Is a good deed truly only defined by the purity of the intent?
I’m not talking about tricking someone with gifts or flattery in order to deceive.
For example, if I went to donate time or money somewhere and made sure it was recorded to show the world what I did, what would you think about my reasons for doing it?
Secondly, does that make the act worthless?
In a perfect world, I imagine myself as always being motivated purely by love and God.
I only do the right thing for the right reasons in every single act of every day.
The truth is far from it.
I often do things that help nobody but myself.
Sometimes, I act in ways that hurt people.
This is typically unintentionally, but even knowing that there will be pain to others at times.
Very often, I am motivated by money, status, recognition, vanity, or significance to do things that bless other people as well.
Understanding this about myself allows me to give the benefit of the doubt to others around me doing great things because it fulfills something in them.
I don’t have to place a judgment on those people or question their morals.
How many people can be blessed by a massive cash donation to an organization that helps fight poverty, abuse or drug addiction by someone or someones using the opportunity to get some press or media attention?
If that’s what gets people to move things along, hey, I say let them have all the photo ops and articles they want.
I believe this serves a two-fold purpose.
First, and most importantly, it doesn’t tie my hands behind my back and stop me from acting.
I can still go about doing good things because I’m not paralyzed by the thought that my intentions aren’t pure.
In the meantime, I can work on purifying my reasons and motivations without withholding from those that could potentially be blessed by the act.
Secondly, something more sinister can be going on below the surface when I get caught up worrying about why people are doing things.
I become cynical and separate myself from others through judgment, or possibly envy.
Often I see rich or famous people do things in the media that seem good on the surface, but I can easily speculate that the person is just trying to promote his or her career, get attention, or that there is some kind of secret deal going on behind the scenes.
Now, this could be true, but I feel that believing that says much more about me, than it does about the other person.
What do I truly believe about people?
If I believe that successful people have poor moral fiber and do things for the wrong reasons, how is that going to affect my ability to have success in my life?
That would mean that I have to be dishonest or deceptive to have that kind of lifestyle, or I will never have it because I don’t want to believe that about myself.
In reality, this mode of thinking affects only me.
The act of kindness or generosity still happened and the person doing it does not know or care if I question the reasons behind it.
I would rather bless that person.
It makes me feel better.
It clears my head of negative energy and thoughts about my human brothers and sisters.
Also, it leaves me open to continue doing things that I feel bless others even if my motives are also self serving.
Do a good or great wonderful deed today.
Do it because you want to bless someone, or do it for a pat on the back, or because you are being compensated in some way.
Do it anyway.
Thank you for reading.
Phillip Adams