This topic seems to be out of place with the rest of this blog, but read to the end and I assure you it will make more sense.
I have spent hours and hours agonizing over what my purpose in life is.
Recently I have taken some time to stop and think about some long-term goals that I have and how I want to spend the next year working in my business.
The topic of purpose naturally came up again and I have noticed it evolving a little.
I had to stop and ask myself if it was because I was more in tuned with what my true calling is, or if my ego was attempting to assert itself.
I’m not a psychologist, but nevertheless, I’m going to talk about the ego and the self here.
See, when I was trying to figure out what my life’s calling was, I was listening to parts of me that were based on fear.
These are the parts of me that worry about money and seek acceptance from others.
That’s the ego.
The ego isn’t necessarily bad.
It serves a purpose by making me feel emotions that push me toward behavior it feels will preserve my identity the best.
The downside is that the ego is formed through life experiences, (some of which are traumatic) and social cues from others.
The ego is our idea of what society expects us to be.
This might be what you heard your whole life growing up:
Go to school and get good grades,
so you can go to a good college and get a degree in a job that makes great money,
so you can buy a nice house and a bunch of cool stuff to put in it,
so you can land a great spouse and have some great kids you can raise the same way.
Because it’s quite possibly not the life we truly wanted for ourselves it can leave us burnt out and unsatisfied.
In many cases, we end up taking on behaviors that are compulsive, addictive, and leave us unfulfilled.
The ego is there to protect us.
However, it can’t help us understand our calling or life purpose.
That comes from a different place and can be harder to identify.
Our calling comes from within.
It is more intuitive and brings us joy even if we do not make any money from it.
Our calling may have absolutely all or nothing to do with our job or career.
It could be something completely separate and unrelated.
I’m not just talking about passion here.
Following our passion can be dangerous because it doesn’t necessarily leave us fulfilled.
I love to fish the streams in the mountains alone, but part of what makes it magical is that I don’t do it everyday.
It’s just me and nature up there.
It’s not part of a business and I’m not trying to serve others while I’m having my quiet fun time.
What fulfills me is writing and helping others.
So, I have found a way to do that and even turn it into a business without it stealing from what I love.
That same fulfillment is available to you in whatever form it takes for you.
When I talk to people about what they love to do or really want to do, many of them are clueless.
Most of the ones that have an answer start talking about how they are going to move up and make money.
I hope they make a bunch of money, but the money and upward mobility is the ego talking and will leave them burnt out and unfulfilled.
I have felt that so often at jobs where I was doing very well.
All I could think about was when the next vacation was going to be.
The ego will make sure you survive.
You need it.
However, deciding your life’s purpose will need to come from somewhere else.
It’s the soul, inner self, spirit, or whatever you call it.
Here are some concepts that helped me figure mine out and things that others have shared with me that may be helpful.
First of all, that part of myself does not talk to me much in chaotic environments.
It comes from silence and quiet.
Spend some time in silence and learn what that sounds and feels like.
It’s not thoughts based on fear, worry, and anxiety.
Personal life experience can also point the way to go.
This means thinking about what you are really good at already and what you enjoy doing.
A key distinguishing factor here is that you are more concerned with how you feel during the journey than attaining a result.
Money as a motivator will not last and keeps you focused on yourself and not your audience or customers.
I got into online marketing to make money originally, but I love what it has morphed and changed into.
I want to talk about one other aspect here of finding your true calling.
A really scary part about listening to the true self is what Carl Jung called the “shadow” self.
There are dark parts of each of us that the ego keeps from sharing with the world.
We fear what people will think if they know who we REALLY are.
Just like all the many great traits and characteristics we have as humans, there are opposite traits of those that we also carry to some degree in ourselves.
Perhaps it manifests in some kind of pridefulness, hate, selfishness, or however it exists within.
The ego will try extremely hard to keep that part of us hidden from the world.
Even as I write this, I know that there are parts of me I don’t want to share because of how I think people might judge me.
I wish I could say it had no influence, but it still does at some level.
If you go searching for purpose, your ego will attempt to shield you from your shadow self.
You may feel some resistance there and discomfort as you push through into who you really are.
If you decide to take on this work, pay attention to how it feels to you as you go through it.
The graphic below may help you know if you are on the right track.
I hope you found this helpful.
Thank you for reading.
Phillip Adams