Tom opened his eyes and smiled.
He could smell the tang of bacon wafting slow and enticing into the room.
He decided to start moving his body limb by limb and work through the aches so he could get out of bed reasonably soon and have the delicious breakfast his wife was cooking.
It wasn’t like Tom couldn’t move, but he was 69 and mornings weren’t typically painless until blood and muscles were moving for a few minutes.
Today was going to be a normal day.
Tom was retired and although he no longer had to work, he typically stayed busy taking care of the house and yard, and once or twice a week, headed to a lake or stream to cast out some flies in an attempt to outsmart the local marine life.
He got up and put some pants on and walked slowly into the kitchen.
“Hey Sweetheart,” his wife piped smiling, “How did you sleep?”
“Oh pretty good.” Tom’s scratchy voice box managed to push out.
He sat down and watched the small TV in the dining room while waiting for breakfast.
As he began to eat, he discussed the upcoming cruise he and his wife had planned.
They were both excited and making plans as the day got closer that they would leave to fly to the coast and enjoy a week of new exotic locations and being pampered by the staff.
After breakfast, his wife went outside to walk over and talk to the neighbor for a few minutes.
Tom continued to watch TV and glanced a few times at the empty Christmas tree.
It was January and the lights and decorations had been taken down already.
He had promised to put the tree away almost a week before and still had not “gotten around to it”.
Finally, with a frown, Tom stood up and started walking over to the last standing holiday remnant.
He started realizing that he was sweating and breathing heavy.
He could feel the breaths, but it was like he couldn’t get enough air inside.
Almost instantly, Tom’s chest felt like someone was squeezing it to death and he lost all the strength in his legs.
He collapsed onto the floor and thought of his poor wife who would come home and find him in a heap on the floor.
Why hadn’t he taken the damn tree down sooner?
What was the last thing he had said to her before she left the house?
He realized he was never going to go on that trip and he wished so badly that his kids and grandkids were there for one last kiss and hug.
He laid on his living room and stared at the barren Christmas tree for a few more seconds before closing his eyes for the last time.
This is a true story about my uncle that died last year.
Obviously, I don’t know what his last thoughts were.
I could only imagine based on what I knew about him and listening to his family speak about him at the funeral.
Although, he was not a young man, my uncle’s death caught everyone by surprise.
He had no prior heart problems and seemed pretty healthy overall.
I saw regret in some of his family members.
They had not made peace with past transgressions and arguments.
I bring up this potentially excruciatingly painful subject not to be morbid or be a total downer.
This event made me ponder and realize some serious truths about the way I was living my life.
Nobody (including me) wants to think about or talk about death.
Ask any life insurance salesperson and he or she will tell you the same.
However, what if we used death as kind of a gut check to decide if we are living our lives the way we really want.
I imagine a doctor telling me I have one year to live.
What would this next year look like?
The truth is that I could be killed in a car crash later today after writing these words.
Perhaps, I will live to be over 100 years.
I have no idea, but the reality is that I feel in many ways that I am not doing everything I want to do before my body drops and returns back to the earth.
This should not be fear-based decisions, but perhaps getting real with ourselves about we want to experience in life, what places we want to see, which relationships are truly important to us, and perhaps what legacy we want to leave or be remembered for.
I personally hope to leave a gift to humankind that continues to bless other people long after I am forgotten.
I’m not saying everyone needs to do that in order to live a fulfilled life.
What I am saying is that I need to get to work and make that happen today because I have no idea how much time I really have.
There is a nurse from Australia named Bronnie Ware who also has a blog called Inspiration and Chai .
Bronnie worked and cared for patients that were near death and recorded their thoughts and words.
She discusses the top 5 regrets of the dying.
They are:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This is the most important one on the list in my mind.
It may be perhaps because this been my goal and struggle for this year.
Living our own truth despite what society, family, and others will think or say is courageous and can be the hardest thing we
do. - I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. This one is so dangerous because we always think there will be time later and life slips away so rapidly when we spend all of it working.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
You can literally become physically ill and diseased from repressing feelings and emotions.
Find a way to get it out and speak your truth.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Perhaps social media has kept you closer to old friends, but don’t put off reaching out and spending time sharing a sunset or meal with people you care about.
You will always have the memory that you actually make.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Happiness is a choice.
It’s not determined by circumstances.
Each of us carries the control, responsibility, and consequence of our emotions and feelings.
This is a gift and a blessing because we can change them at any time.
Don’t let anyone convince you that there’s nothing you can do about it.
It’s a lie and a thief of happiness and time.
If you aren’t on your death bed and any of these resonate, then the good news is that you can change this today.
Make that phone call or send that text.
Plan that vacation.
Go after that new career or start that business.
Make the choice today.
Tomorrow is not promised.
In fact, the rest of today is not even promised.
Thank you for reading.
Phillip Adams