This post is different than anything I have written previously.
First and foremost, I am not here to bash any religious organization or religion in general.
If you are looking for that, then you won’t find it here.
This is an attempt to help people who grew up believing they were supposed to be a certain person and as adults are aware of subconscious guilt and shame.
They created this perfect ideal in their head and now are unable to live up to that impossible standard.
My Struggle:
I am going to tell a very personal story to give you some context.
I was raised from birth in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
You may know them as the Mormons.
If you do not know, they teach their members to keep a very strict lifestyle.
In my childhood, my dad was active military and we were stationed in Fort Richardson, Alaska.
My parents divorced when I was 10.
My mom left with my 3 siblings and I back to Utah to be near her family.
I probably already felt some shame for having a broken family due to no fault of my own.
However, we stopped participating in church meetings and activities.
A couple years later, when I was visiting my father, I was snooping in his bedroom and found some pornographic material.
As a 12-year old with hormones ramping up, I found myself addicted to it very quickly.
I soon began masturbating regularly.
I felt immense guilt and shame over my behavior.
I also felt like there was no one I could talk to about it.
I felt like a weird evil outcast and those feelings spiraled into every aspect of my life.
I hated myself and thought I was alone in my thoughts and deeds.
As I got older, I realized that I was not the only person that went through something like that.
In fact, my experience is fairly common in many religious communities.
As an adult, I can intellectually excuse the behavior and understand what it was like to be that age and have access to that kind of media.
However, subconsciously, I believe the guilt and shame have lingered and I have sabotaged my success and happiness to keep the “score even”.
To this day, I am not the ideal person that I felt I should be or that I feel I should be.
I have a lot of shortcomings and weaknesses.
Some of them I am still working on overcoming.
Others I am ok with.
These kinds of deep set feelings are very difficult to overcome and I feel that my journey to free myself from them may be helpful to others.
Here are some steps that have helped me:
1. Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion.
Nobody will be harder on you than you.
Something that helps is to write down the hard things you have done and still do.
In what ways do you serve others and do good?
Seeing them on paper will help your subconscious know the truth of it.
Try to write down 500 ways if you can.
The subconscious needs to see overwhelming evidence to change a belief.
2. Seek Support:
Connect with others who have gone through similar experiences.
Finding a support group or community of people who have had similar experiences can be really helpful.
They can provide understanding, share their stories, and offer guidance.
Consider starting one if there is nothing like that near you.
Make sure it’s a positive place.
I don’t see how bashing a person or organization helps anyone.
3. Educate Yourself:
Learn about different belief systems, philosophies, and worldviews.
Expanding your knowledge can help you gain perspective
and find a belief system or philosophy that aligns with your values and resonates with you.
Study up on psychology and how to change dees-seated beliefs.
Perhaps you can be a force in helping others to work through theirs.
4. Therapy or Counseling:
Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in religious trauma or individuals leaving strict religious backgrounds.
Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and work through any unresolved issues.
I think everyone should be in therapy.
Often, it’s just hearing yourself say certain things that can be the most helpful to healing.
5. Challenge Negative Beliefs:
Recognize that the guilt you feel may be rooted in beliefs instilled during your religious upbringing.
Challenge these beliefs by critically examining them and considering alternative viewpoints.
There are benefits and drawbacks to every behavior.
Write down how your actions have served you and those around you.
This evens it out and removes the negative charge.
6. Mindfulness and Meditation:
Practice mindfulness and meditation.
If you are more aware of unconscious thoughts, you will be able to work through them.
You might be surprised what’s underneath the surface if you spend some quiet time letting your mind relax.
This can assist in managing feelings of guilt and anxiety.
7. Forgiveness:
Forgive yourself for any perceived “sins” or shortcomings.
Understand that your choices and beliefs are valid, and it’s okay to live a life that aligns with your authentic self.
Christianity typically teaches that God forgives us.
It’s often us who don’t forgive ourselves.
Stop being that awful unforgiving master to yourself.
8. Set Boundaries:
If your family or community continues to exert pressure or expectations on you,
establish boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
It’s important to prioritize your own happiness and personal growth.
9. Focus on Personal Growth:
Shift your focus from the past and guilt to your future and personal growth.
Set goals, pursue your passions, and work on becoming the best version of yourself.
10. Give Yourself Time:
Healing and moving on from the guilt associated with a strict religious upbringing is a process that may take time.
Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the space to evolve and grow.
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